Becoming The Women.
Outside those windows, was the world or at least a part of the big world. It was the universe that was created or just the tiniest part of it and it was a grim place. It was a place that could not be called home. Not for any soul living or otherwise, but it was a prison where the haunted lived. It was a place but it was a delusion. It was a false circus but instead of the seeds of happiness the seeds of sadness bore there. It was a garden that was once filled with flowers and fruit but now it bore poison and weed. It was not a home. It was a dungeon in which my soul along with the others was trapped. The place that had no light even during the day and no peace even during the night. It was the lion’s den and we were all the mice at lunch. I wondered how i got here, how i ceased to live through this world and not die. How i ever could be sent to a place like this where nothing was real, where all was fake and all forsaken. My soul would never choose to live in a place so dull like this, but then again, i was never asked, i was just sent.
It was not love that gave way to my seed, it was a fragile woman who had been beaten by her husband, whose face was blue with bruises and whose eyes filled with blood. The woman who was sold, who was sold to ‘The Man’. She was the woman who was not seen worthy enough of a life. And then there was he. The man who was never loved, who never knew what love meant, who never saw the happiness and the beauty of anything. A man who saw a woman as his shoe, who he wore and walked on the thorny path of life. Who protected his legs from thorns and snakes that lived, a woman who he used to walk in the dirt. And when time was done and he himself could not bear his own weight, left it on the women easeingly. Who hit her with anything in his sight, who hit her with his own leg and when that show was over, he was the man who cultivated my seed in her. He ridiculed her like a toddler.
I was never proud of the weeds that bore me because one was sadistic and the other was a powerless woman who let herself be used. However good this world might have been I would never forget the night when I was seven when he tried to burn the house. Or the time when I was 8 and he dragged my mother by her hair from the bathroom and banged her againted the hallway wall not never allowing her to cover herself up. Or the time when I was nine and had come home from a birthday party and saw my sister lying on the bed with her ankle covered in a bandage and the pillow beside her, covered in blood. This was my life. This was my prison, the world that I lived in. All was lies in this world, the people wore masks, a mask that allowed their true demon self to be hidden in the shadows, while the one he thought he was was the face shown to the world. I had lost hope of a life worthy to live for but it was that one night when the devil left hell and left us behind. That night the angel came and asked the woman what she wanted.
She replied with hurt in her voice and tears in her eyes and she said, “I wish to create my own heaven for my children and I and have them live in the presence of god. I want myself to matter for once and i want myself to die not in the hands of the devil but in the arms of god”
For the first time in her life and in ours we were all proud of her. She was no longer the ridiculed slave but she was that day reborn as ‘The Woman’. That day I cried, proud of that woman. I was for once proud to be her daughter and happy to have her accepted as my mother. That day the lost souls found a purpose, to find a way through this prison of the world and life and to become capable enough to cry at the hands of god when all of this was over. We ventured out to find freedom. But as it is said, to find freedom is to fight and then onwards we fought. But now he is dead and there comes a time where you can’t blame the dead for what they had done nor could you hate them because in simple words, “they are dead.”
As this horrid story re-faced me I saw that my time had come to go home. I locked that scared little girl in her cupboard and walked to find the place that we decided to call home.
