May in some parts of the world is Mental Health Awareness Month. There could be nothing more detrimental to our health and well being than not being able to seek and find proper care for our mental state of being. Our mind is our constant companion, like a mental neighbourhood, and if it is not functioning at full capacity then we need to do everything in our power to return it to its full health.

We all have at one point or another come across the now well known and loved Don Miguel Ruiz’s vast array of works, but The Four Agreements is what I’d like to come back to today. You see it always comes back down to the basics. This holds true for most things in life. Whether we have mastered a certain skill or whether we once again find ourselves repeating an unhealthy pattern and behaviour in our lives. It is always helpful to go back to the beginning and try again. Yet in today’s world we are far too hasty to get ahead and look clever at any cost, and usually the cost is at someone else’s expense.

One of the key’s to living a peaceful and purposeful life is not to take anything personally. Now don’t let this little key give you the idea that that means not caring about what anyone else says or does. It certainly doesn’t mean that. If anything, it is advising to still hear and listen to what is being said and then using discernment to see if it fits and sits with you. Some of the best advice we are given we are resistant to, so this takes some time and practice to digest and develop.

How many throw-away remarks have we made in our lives that might have hurt or insulted someone without our knowing it?  How many times have we given advice where it was not even asked for? This is a particularly tricky one, as we do not realise the karmic implications this can have. What about when our words and actions just don’t add up. We say we will do something but then leave a friend hanging because we probably weren’t even paying attention to the conversation at the time to realise the importance it had to them.

THE MENTAL NEIGHBOURHOODS WE LIVE IN

So many ways we can affect others and they an affect us in our daily lives, that sometimes we then go the opposite direction and walk on egg shells, too scared to have conversations and withdraw into our very troubled inner worlds. As Anne Lamott, American writer, says ‘My mind is like a bad neighbourhood I try not to go to alone’. And this is where we get to come back to the very basics of mental health – our own minds.

This is the starting point. For somewhere along the way our minds have been so conditioned by our early upbringing, environments, familial belief and cultural systems that we really don’t know what it is like to have a clear mind anymore. Then add to that the traumas, heartaches, hurts and negative experiences we have had along the way and this makes for a very complex and often unsettled, troubled mental territory.

Now we meet with a friend, lover, boss or family member, who has their own conditioned mental neighbourhood, and it’s not so hard to see how quickly conflict and resistance kicks in. We are territorial creatures and anything that then feels threatening to our domain we will protect or attack. Our neural systems and brain function is just built that way.

So in a flash, there we are taking everything personally and feeling insulted, hurt, dejected, rejected, unloved, and not worthy – when in actual fact the other person was just probably doing the same thing, because well their neighbourhood is a certain way, the streets are ordered a certain way, the houses are all painted a certain way – so why aren’t yours?

Interesting stuff right. But what do we do about this?  The answer is we start cleaning up our own neighbourhoods. We look at our mental health, we acknowledge it’s a little messy – or a ton messy and we start clearing it. We go back to the traumas and trials and tribulations of our lives and deal with them, we seek help from professionals, we find the right advice and information we need. We dig deep and we climb high as we search out every false and limiting belief we are stuck with. We take every offer of help we can get, we open the windows and let the demons and doubts get some air.

We breath and cry and feel lost and pity ourselves and rage against others for a while. We do what needs to be done to get ourselves out of the muck and mire of our toxic mindsets. And in this process, we do the holy work of not taking anything personally. Even ourselves.

We set strong but loving boundaries; we also forgive a lot of people. And then we forgive again and again, whether we are able to have a conversation with them, or whether we do it in praying or writing letters which they will never read.

Our minds are our holy ground. They are the foundation of our lives. And if our foundation is faulty then our whole lives will be faulty. If our minds are not guided, nurtured and cared for on a daily basis, then what chance do we stand of making decisions with clarity and living with authentic self -esteem. If we are always needing others to validate and assure us then we are just setting ourselves up for deep hurt and disappointments.

While we are busy sorting, tossing and decluttering our mental neighbourhoods, we can also turn to age old practices like meditation and mantra recitation. The true nature of our minds needs no firework displays to return to its natural calm abiding ways. It just needs the space, time and dedication to allow it to return to health and vitality – with the proper instruction and guidance of course.

Let us be mindful of how we treat others, what we say, what we mean, what we do. Let us be aware of the fact that we do not always know what someone’s state of mind is like, even if they look put together and perfect all the time. Let us acknowledge that we have some broken windows and peeling paint that needs attention. And that we do not need to take things so personally if we have done the work on ourselves and continue to do so every day that we can.

Liberating ourselves from mental disorders and suffering could be the most important cleaning job of all. Not just for ourselves but for all of humanity to finally thrive and live embodied authentic lives. Let’s grow healthy gardens of mental health and thrive.

*Should you suffer from any mental disorder please do see a qualified expert to assess your condition immediately.

To read my previous article go here –

Drop the External Attachments and Look in the Mirror Now – The Uncoiled

To read what mental health is go here –

Mental health – Wikipedia

To listen to Anne Lammot go here –

Anne Lamott | Speaker | TED

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Who do you see when you look in the mirror?

It is all well and good to hold to our principles, beliefs, faiths, rituals, ceremonies and traditions. However, when it comes time to let go of them how often are we able to? Do you know who you are without them? What do you see when you look in the mirror ?Can you see that you are actually the same person whether you cling to one belief or another?

That there comes a time on your path that you will find yourself not needing to grasp so tightly to any one thing, belief, ritual or tradition. That we are taught and conditioned to identify with these from birth, but actually we are born without such labels and tags. That we are born from the wombs of human mothers and that is the last we will all be able to be in the true state of who we are.

This can be a lot to contemplate, but if you sit with it long enough and start to self-liberate from all the identification you are conditioned with you will come to a much fresher, deeper, clearer place of being. It is a huge leap to just drop everything. I am not suggesting this strategy, unless of course this is where you are in your life. I also use the word ‘self’ liberate – for too many of us think that we are going to get liberated and enlightened by someone else doing the work for us, or waving a magic wand and we suddenly wake up in the land of Nirvana.

Being able to start dropping all these conditioned states starts to happen organically the further you commit to your journey of self. So, no need to take the big leap if you are not prepared for it. Self-love, self-care, self- discovery and individuation – as Carl Jung would call it – all come into the practice of dropping/letting go/letting be. This is how studying Buddhism has helped me to get my head around the psychology of concepts and labels, and how we actually are so conditioned into them that we often cannot see the wood for the trees.

Consider for a moment if you are to say I am a Gypsey, or I am a Buddhist or I am a Vegan (it could be any title you are given or have taken for yourself) or I am a student, I am an artist…. Can you actually see anywhere in the physical the title that you are? When you look at yourself in the mirror can you see the description ‘vegan’ or can you see the word in manifestation of ‘artist’?

Plain and simple – no. All you do see is the sum of physical parts manifesting as a human body. We see arm, foot, stomach, face, hair, but we are not those either – are we? We say ‘I am a ‘blonde’, but what exactly is that? Yes, your hair colour may be blonde, but is blonde who you are? No when you look in the mirror you find more than just body parts.

Now stay with me, this is quite a deep contemplation practice, but it really can set you free from the suffocating solid thoughts and dogmas you are living with. You see if nothing is as solid as it seems, and we cannot even get a handle on who we are, then how can we cling to tightly to the labels that we think make us who we are. And this gives us the opportunity to then start dropping what we are clinging so tightly to.

All I do know is that it becomes more and more liberating to drop it all. To finally come to place after years and lifetimes of doing the work, doing the practices that we read so much about and committing to our path.

Question it all. Does this belief, religion, dogma, tradition, ceremony, ritual etc serve me? Or can I still be an amazing person without all of them. Can I decide to use them and honour them, but still see them for what they are? Merely guides, teachers, chaperones and ushers, accompanying us on the road, but not necessarily bound to us for the whole trip. It is the binding, solidifying, clinging, grasping and attaching that causes such problems for us.

The moment we are stripped of a title or tag, there goes our whole personality having a breakdown, because we don’t know who we are anymore.  We either then very quickly move onto another unhealthy attachment or spend a vast amount of time trying to figure out who we are (identity crisis 101).

If only we would’ve been instructed from an early age, that who we truly are is not something that is defined by any external structure or classification. Our hair can be blond, but I am not. Our body can be fat, but I am not. Our emotions can display anger, but I am not. Similarly with religious or cultural identification. If we are born in a country but then move when we are very little, what culture do we identify with – even if the birth certificate tells you something else?

Once you start to take this approach to looking at life and your life, it kind of gives one permission to be a little gentler with oneself and others. A little less judgemental, a little more compassionate. And isn’t that the true start of the spiritual journey that so many claim to be on, yet when it comes down to it, they still sit in so much judgment and conditioning.

Well I don’t know about you, but I am going to go look in the mirror right now and see past all the flaws and imperfections I think are my identity, and go straight to the heart of the person looking back at me and start there.

GO HERE to read last week’s article SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF MIGHT MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD TO AN AUTHENTIC LIFE – The Uncoiled

GO HERE to understand compassion Compassion – Wikipedia

Have you been showing up for yourself lately, or wondering why others are not showing up for you? Can you too can relate to the struggle of the striving, pushing, forcing, hustling world we are living in nowadays. Off the back of a conversation yesterday that the world isn’t going to slow down any time soon for us, we need to then figure out just how we are going to choose to show up in the world.

I’ve also been contemplating how this week I really backed myself with a decision I made and the moment I did this all the uncertainty, confusion and anxiety around the situation disappeared. You see I think the universe likes to test us, but what it loves to see most is that we take the test with all our might and pass it – no matter how many times we have to do a re-write

We do not have to show up with bells and whistles, glitter and lip gloss to be successful, intelligent, compassionate people. We should not have to go looking, begging or bragging for attention and recognition. We shouldn’t need to outdo and compete with each other in the game of life. Perhaps in some areas, like sports, yes, a little competition as they say never hurt anybody. But in the game of life, I think there is enough we need to process, deal with and experience, that trying then to bring in your fellow human beings as competitors is a bit futile, short-sighted and unnecessary.

All we really need to do – as I’m sure I have stated before because I feel so strongly about it – is show up as ourselves. That’s it. And then be ok that some people will not show up with you and for you. Seems like an empty, scary place. I assure you and almost completely guarantee (because you may be the exception) that if you do the work of accepting yourself – warts, wrinkles and a few character flaws and all, you will find that you are the only person that needs to truly be there for you!

It takes a while to come to this place of self-acceptance, it takes examination of ALL of you, the good, the bad, the ugly, the bitchy, the whiney, the moody, the holy and I am sure you could think of a host of others to add to your resume. You see if we try and cover up a part of ourselves and only show the world our game face then we will only attract players in the game.  

If, however we show up as our whole, complex, messy human selves then we know that we can probably expect some very real authentic humans to show up too. And we can then choose if we want to walk the journey with them.

There is such power in being seen as you are and still accepted. This is the true law of attraction at work, when people show up for us no matter what because they feel on a certain level that what we are offering is at last authentic, open and receptive. We all know what it is like to feel awkward and uncomfortable in our own skins and it is almost necessary to go through this so we can grow into who we are meant to be. But take care not to remain in your comfort zone for too long, or expect others to wait for us while we get used to the idea of growth.

We also know what it is like to be around people with no agendas and no masks, who truly are just good to be around and leave everywhere they go a little better for it. These are the people who are showing up in the world as themselves, whether they are having a good or bad day. You see those are always inevitable being the nature of world. They are just being true to their own nature’s, and that is what makes all the difference in their days. A good dose of self acceptance and an examined life will carry you far.

If you don’t know anyone like this then I wish you the inspiring experience, and instead of waiting to discover someone like this why not start becoming that person yourself. You will be amazed at just what and who you find on your path when you do!

Follow this link to read how forcing things is futile Why Forcing Something is Futile and Ends in Frustration – The Uncoiled

Check out last week’s article here The Most Powerful Betrayal in History – Why we Betray. – The Uncoiled

For more info on self acceptance go here Self-acceptance – Wikipedia

If you have ever experienced a betrayal then you know it cannot be described lightly. It is a painful experience which often leaves one changed, for better or worse. Whether or not you follow Christianity we are all aware of the profound story of the Crucifixion/Resurrection of Jesus Christ that is observed over Easter. Judas Iscariot’s betrayal of Jesus to his enemies is perhaps the most well-known act of disloyalty & violation of trust in history.

Not many know or consciously acknowledge that Easter has deeply rooted origins in the pre-Christian pagan goddess known as Eostere/Ostara – a Saxon /Teutonic deity of ancient times.  She always signified the renewal and rebirthing of Spring, where the hare and the egg are both symbols of this goddess. Around this same time sacrifices were made to give thanks for the end of winter and pray for a bountiful new season. It seems so much of history has been omitted, manipulated and steered into the narratives of the governments and leaders of the day.

But back to betrayal. It presents in many forms – someone lies to you, cheats on you, leaves you with no explanation, slanders your name, abuses you, violates you and in extreme cases causes physical harm and death. Often it is someone close to you or who is in your immediate circle of relations.

American Bishop and author TD Jakes says “Your enemy is never on the outside. Your enemy is always on the inside” – we often know the person & they have intimate knowledge of us.

You see a stranger cannot betray you in the same way a family member, friend or lover can. A stranger can be deceitful, duplicitous, manipulative and a host of other unsavoury things, but they would not affect your life in the same way as there is probably not the investment of friendship, time, trust and familiarity that those closer to you have developed.

After a betrayal, things don’t just ‘return to normal’, how could they? There is a definite and defining shift in your being. First you most probably will feel utter shock that someone could behave this way towards you, it will feel like your eyes have been glued together your whole life and all of a sudden someone has ripped them open. Your will feel the shattering of your heart splintered into pieces and your mind will explode, crack and crumble in revolt.

At this point you may feel confused and hopeless. You will try justifying all sorts of things to yourself and possibly even make yourself the ‘baddie’ in the story. You will need to take time to start to piece the puzzle together and make peace with the missing pieces. Above all compassion and a step-by-step approach will be needed to heal the raw gushing wounds of this experience.

Often, we will want to strike back, lash out and hurt them back, however this will never heal our hearts and minds. We will only cause ourselves and others more damage. And from any perspective, spiritual or not, this is not the way forward. The friendship is irrevocably changed, the spouse is never quite trusted again, the reputation & career possibly ruined.

What we need is to detach and step away and see that the betrayer is usually acting out of self centered interests – whether consciously or unconsciously. We see this when Judas seems to sell Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver. *(The recent discovery of the Gospel of Judas has different implications; I mention only because we do not always have all the evidence and facts.)

If not solely self-centered, then perhaps misguided or misinformed, they are not able to see at the time the devastation they will cause. They have not the maturity or developed intellect to play out what will happen, there is no concern for cause and effect, and of actually a modus operandi of looking at the benefit and gain for themselves only. The betrayer usually has selfish motives – don’t be too hasty to dismiss this statement.

 They probably want to look good or impress others by siding with them. They want to win, to feel powerful. There is always a payoff and benefit and it probably is buried deep in the subconscious. It is not for you to figure out their psyches, but with this understanding you can start to depersonalize the act of the betrayal and see that is actually could have more to do with their own stuff than yours.

What hurts most is the consequence of the act of betrayal – the loss. The loss of not only the person or relationship, but the loss of faith, trust and confidence, in yourself and others. The shattering disappointment, fear, rejection and pain which sends shockwaves through your life that results in many hours /days or weeks, sometimes years of pondering what went wrong, what did you do to deserve this, and how to glue together the pieces of your heart & restore your faith again.

The wisest advice would be to follow a Masters example here and work on forgiving straight away. One does not need to be religious to learn from the sages of our world. Ultimately Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed and Abraham all carry the same fundamental message.  I use the word work, because forgives and acceptance do not happen instantly. It is process which takes time and understanding. The prime example of the Ascended Master Jesus’ words “forgive them for they know not what they do” sums up the spiritual lesson of betrayal.

Sometimes we will never get the answers and apologies we need. We also do not always know – consciously – what kind of karmic drama we have played our roles in. We will be left to make sense of a senseless act.  We need to process, question, cry, get angry and even experience the 5 stages of grief.

And then there comes a day when we will eventually come back to the holy work of forgiving. Of understanding, of accepting, of moving on without forgetting the lessons we learned.  

For at the end of the day we know not the Divine plan, purpose or role of those who betray us.

And we all deserve the mercy and experience of unconditional love, non-judgemental acceptance and complete forgiveness. We have to learn to take the high road and along the way drop the baggage that weighs us down and was never our doing in the first place.

Read last week’s article about the Passover and revolutionary freedom here

The Greatest Revolutionary Story About Fighting for Freedom – The Uncoiled

Read about Easter here

Easter – Wikipedia

This time of year, always finds me tapping into the archetypal energies of The Exodus & Passover, which is the oldest and most transformative story of hope ever told. It tells how an otherwise undistinguished group of slaves found their way to freedom from the greatest and longest-lived empire of their time, indeed of any time. It tells the revolutionary story of how Supreme Power intervened in history to liberate the hopeless & powerless.

It also seems like a one-time event. Exodus simply defined is a mass departure of people. Could this be what we are experiencing now as a modern generation with modern plagues – a mass departure of souls from the planet with little conscious choice in the matter?

Looking at the facts from the disappearance of ancient civilizations to millions of refugees desperately fleeing their countries, the revolutionary story and lessons of the Exodus are as relevant today as ever.

There are many themes surrounding the circumstances and event leading up to the Exodus we can pick out – hope, courage, faith, liberation, there is also entrapment, suffering, sorrow and death.

We know the story takes place in ancient Egypt, we have a so-called hero (Moses), the underdog archetype and a ruthless leader archetype (Pharaoh) at play, with thousands of enslaved victim archetypes (Israelites) supporting the scene. If we look around at the world today, not much has changed. We have governments, parliaments and presidents paying lip-service to the masses with little intention of truly changing the system. As long as the pyramids are getting built, the elite turn a blind eye to the suffering and human atrocities taking place in the everyday life of those less fortunate.

It is interesting to note in the story, that Pharaoh’s heart is actually hardened to the plight of the Israelites, and only when his own life is directly affected then he begins to understand that suffering and retribution come to find all who think they are immune. Many today see compassion and empathy towards others as weak, whereas nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing grander and more noble than an open generous heart in times like these and forevermore.

The world operates on the mentality of if I give something away then there will not be enough for me. Yet how could you give away too many smiles, too much warmth, too much love. Is it ever enough?

Egypt is a place that chains you to who you are, constraining you from growth, making it impossible to change. And Pharaoh is that voice inside that mocks your attempts to escape, saying ‘how could you attempt being today something you were not yesterday? You aren’t good enough; who do you think you are? You have no power, no voice to make a difference.’

Moses is the liberator, the infinite force deep within, the courageous heart that still fears and feels weak yet moves forward; fighting for what is right. The force of Moses drives the spirit that transcends and connects with that Supreme power when all seems lost. He has crushing moments of self -doubt, despair, hopelessness and a fair dose of self-esteem issues. Could he not represent any one of us on any given day?

Above all, Moses teaches fervent faith in a future that is unknown. Like Moses we have to be prepared to leave it all behind, in order to follow a higher calling and liberate ourselves in the process.

Another interesting concept is that of The Promised Land, a place where dreams are fulfilled, wishes are granted and all hardship is erased. This is not quite the truth though, for we all know that once we have reached that goal, or fulfilled a lifelong dream, there is still a longing for the next best thing that resides within us that doesn’t just go away. We don’t get to sit around all day eating ice cream while life and its duties takes care of itself. Let us not forget that Moses and the Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years in search of the Promised Land. And even then, most did not get to experience the destination.

The Promised Land & liberation are not static elements that wait patiently for us. We do not arrive and then never have to do the work again.  Every time you push your own limits, exceed your own expectations- you reach the Promised Land. Every time you live & work for the greater good – you reach the Promised Land. Every time you break free from the person you didn’t want to be in the day before – you reach the Promised Land. The sheer amount of courage and faith this takes is astounding!  

The good news is your freedom lies in knowing you can defy Pharaoh any time, it just takes courage, consciousness and a little bit a throw caution to the wind attitude.

Imagine what could open up for you in your life, like the Red Sea parted for Moses, when you are willing to risk it all on your soul’s calling. This is when miracles start showing up, when we listen to God, our inner voice, the Divine – call it what you will, but it is a voice and prompting that cannot be denied.

Freedom, redemption, community, empowered conscious leadership – all of these embody the story of Exodus in our history books. Perhaps though, if anything, it provides a living symbol of hope. And what could we need more than anything right now.

May those celebrating this season, whether for religious purposes or simply allowing the profound archetypal forces to do their work on us, and may we find all find the liberation we seek.

Passover – Wikipedia

The Exodus – Wikipedia

For last week’s Ode to Autumn, go here Beloved Autumn Speak to my Heart This Season – The Uncoiled

Beloved Autumn you are back again. I almost lose hope around the sweltering mid summer days when I ache for your cool embrace.

My eyes long see you dancing with the leaves in whips and whirls while little insect’s flurry into the crunchy bed of mulch to fill their belly’s ahead of winter’s clutch.

Your brisk chill morning melodies somehow uplift my heart as if I were greeting a dear old friend at my door. You feel so familiar and comforting showing up in your russet and saffron grandfatherly robes.

What lessons will you bring to my life this season? Will I finally be able to learn to live your wise ancient ways in this world of woes?

I hope we spend enough time together this year. I have been very occupied of late and would hate to wait another season or two to truly sit with your gifts.

I will take your hand this time, and not wait for you to claim mine. I will hear your song whispered through the sleepy earth and drink in the nostalgia you awaken, whether for times gone by or those lifetimes we have lived through together.

My heart needs to pour itself out to you, into you.

Welcome cherished, adored, awaited Autumn, sit awhile and share your soul with me.

Are you happy being yourself only to have others want you to change to suite their lifestyles and ways? And have you ever had a conversation with someone who just doesn’t understand you or where you are coming from? I don’t mean in the ‘can you repeat the sentence’ kind of way, I mean in the ‘why are you not doing what I want, I just don’t understand you ‘kind of way.

Now slow down and be prepared to reread this several times, it can seem to be the same thing and get confusing. Kind of like the energy at the moment. We really are swimming in unpredictable waters lately.

 It has happened quite often recently that I will be sitting here, minding my own business, doing what I do and it’s like this little impish elf with a twinkle in his eye will arrive at my door just itching to cause a little mischief. In Africa we have a certain name for such a character – but this ‘trickster’ energy is found across the world in all cultures. We will look into this more in another post at another time.

So, like I was saying – for me it was an email that arrived with a certain tone and content, a neighbour, who usually welcoming, blew icicles at me, a weird conversation where quite literally it felt like I was underwater trying to listen to the other person and they kept talking over my words. Now I don’t know if it is just me who has these experiences, if not do feel free to leave a comment.

What really gave me such shocking clarity though was how people really don’t listen to understand – or very rarely. They really do just wait for you to finish your sentence – sometimes…They make quick judgements and even quicker decisions about you. If you are not following their way of doing things or their way of living then it seems to trigger them. Did I mention these are often the very ‘spiritual’ people that we turn to and look up to in our communities, families and circles of influence.

It quite literally took me aback at the reaction I got – and continue to get when I follow my own inner voice, my own callings, wisdom and purpose. There are and certainly have been times when others perhaps did know better, and taking advice, help and learning from others is part of the path.

But then just like a raft that gets you to the other side of the river, you leave it behind – with much gratitude for its part in your journey – as you march on into the jungles of your life.

Doing something when we just know it is not right for us, or will bring no benefit to ourselves or others sets up the pitfalls for many different scenarios that can then play out. If we do not stop and follow the truth in our own soul, then we spend lifetimes paying the price.

Now she thought I was just being stubborn and difficult – and here I am, actually celebrating because I am just being authentic and true to myself.

What could be more liberating and empowering than reaching a point where you know who you are, what you need, what serves you and your life in this very moment.

Wherever you are in your life, and whatever you are presented with it pays to do two things, which one of my mentors always re-iterates.

Number one – question everything. Number two – Take nothing for granted.

They too seem similar and so obvious that you would probably think it not valuable. However, on closer inspection ‘question everything‘ does not imply you become like a 3-year-old always asking ‘why’ – though that is not a bad strategy for a child. We need to use our intellects here – the rational, reasoning part of our brain. Is this a good decision, will it enhance my life and those around me, how do I feel when I partake in it, do I need to change my values for this undertaking? All of these questions will help you develop not only self-reflection but self-knowledge too; which is crucial for your evolution.

The second question – do not take anything for granted sometimes is then twisted into the trendy ‘gratitude’ movement where we need to be grateful for everything that comes our way. Rather it offers another way of implementing the law of impermanence in our lives, that when we have good do not think it will stay, and when we have bad, we realise it will not stay either.

We come to honour and respect and cherish what we do have and not live with assumptions. Assumptions breed discontent quicker than snapping your fingers. Taking the time to have the uncomfortable conversations will breed much more authenticity in your life than living in your own mind where foggy overthinking and illusory narratives work overtime.

I also want to share that I used to get so caught up in wanting to make them understand and spend so much of my energy and time trying to get them to get me, that I landed up in a complete tangle of a web that affected my whole physiology to the point of illness and critical unhappiness.

If you are at this point, please just stop.

We will never be able to force, convince or change people’s minds about us when we are trying to prove who we are. We simply have to be who we are; and receive those who then come into our space and want what we can offer without trying to change how we do it.

Just as we cannot force a flower to grow, we cannot force a friend to see our side, a parent to relate or a boss to agree unless the causes and conditions are right and there is a genuine open willingness to allow the process of understanding to unfold.

Remember it is seldom about the content in a communication, it is our intention to allow another to express themselves and them allowing us the same courtesy that affords an authentic and empowering exchange.

Listen to others, yes. And then check in and listen with all your might to your own heart and soul!

Read last week’s article here When a Philosopher and a Hindu Goddess put Chaos into Perspective – The Uncoiled

Ever had a week of chaos where as soon as you managed to close one of the 500 tabs in your brain another would pop up? It reminds me of the childhood board game ‘Whack-A- Mole’. I would rather not whack anything – ok if I am being honest, I could probably whack my neighbour every night around 1am when they decide to rearrange the furniture, but then again that is not very ‘neighbourly’ is it.

It also brings me to another conversation I had this week about how chaotic our lives can get. And while I try to choose my words carefully the word chaos is the perfect fit for my days at the moment. Now being in the ‘deeper plunge’ game for a while, I do have the knowledge and tools that should keep me calm when the hurricane blows through. Yet combined with the very fiery energies at the moment it has not been possible to remain calm as the cabin lake on a clear cloudless morning.

That being said, if we look around us, especially at our greatest teacher – Mother Nature – then things fall right back into place – thank goodness! For ultimately without chaos, we have no chance at evolution. The clear cool calm lake would become stagnant, rotten and depleted without some sort of ‘movement’ introduced into its ecosystem. Hence the smallest microbe, fish and environmental factor plays their part in introducing the movement or ‘chaos’ needed to sustain itself.

Another great example of chaos in nature is cloud formation – only formed by the turbulence of elements ‘clashing’ and adjusting to each other, the tides of the ocean and snow flake crystallization are also good examples of this.

I also realised that chaos is part of the creative process, which so many acclaimed and very ordinary ‘creatives’, philosophers and sages have spoken of through the ages.

One of the most famous quotes about this comes from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche which states ‘One must have chaos within oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star’. The philosopher had one of the most fascinating lives and minds and could very well have been onto a great key to life when he shared his revolutionary ideas with the world.

From great minds to the battlefields of life, if you have ever participated in war or watched movies themed around battle you know very well what the outer manifestation of chaos looks like. The frenzy, crazed, irrationality of humans which propagate senseless violence and abuse. The slaughtered remains left behind on the landscape to rot.

When we are experiencing chaos in our lives it depicts a very desperate attempt to try and gain control again, sometimes at any cost. And we too may leave others beaten and bloodied on the battlefield, while we crawl towards a better tomorrow – which may or may not arrive.

The revered Hindu goddess Kali – Ma, often known as the Dark Mother – comes to life for me when I think of this destruction and upheaval. But she too is often misunderstood. For while she is many things to many people, she is actually like a fierce protective mother who wants the best for us and will sometimes be ‘cruel to be kind’.

She will strip away all the toxic, distasteful, wasteful aspects of ourselves. She can sweep through our lives like a tornado, leaving little in her wake and leaving us disoriented, confused, empty, broken and alone. She does this not because she wants us to remain in this sorry state, she does this because she wants us to get back up again and start over with more strength, wisdom and clarity – she wants growth.

She wants your potential to shine and when it is layered with so many illusions of ego and dirt, she has no choice but to visit chaos on your life so you will wake up and evolve!

So, if I allow myself the space to sit still and quieten down for a moment -especially when I think I don’t have a moment to spare – that is when the chaos can start shifting into something else. The creative process definitely has a life of its own, but it also needs a little helping hand once in a while.

If we continue stirring the pot, we either land up spilling the contents, burning ourselves with splatters or dissolving the contents down to nothing.  If we continue to let the chaos be our master and follow it blindly, we will burn out before we can breakthrough.

As Nietzsche discovered, yes, we do need it, but to create the dancing and dazzling star we also need space to allow it it’s time and place to shine.

For now, I will continue to honour these crazy cycles that visit my life every so often and keep an eye out for Kali -Ma so she feels welcome at my table and doesn’t have to break down the door again!

‘God of Chaos’ asteroid plummeting towards Earth | Witness (news24.com)

Friedrich Nietzsche – Wikipedia

Kali – Wikipedia

To read one of my letters to the unseen click below

To Those Who Clean Up After Our Dirty Business – The Uncoiled

Have you ever felt the frustration when trying to complete a puzzle without realising there were pieces missing? Or tried to force something to happen according to your own timing. which just resulted in wasting precious energy and time.

I am sure you can also relate if instead you are a gamer who just can’t reach the next level of the game, a crossword buff who can’t get the one word that would unlock the whole section or the dreamer who can’t seem to get it together.

There is a very well-known passage in the Old Testament said to have been written by King Solomon – the wisest of Kings. As a leader he is said to have asked God for a “an understanding mind to govern your people, able to discern between good and evil” (I Kings 3:9). Now this is certainly no Bible lesson, but rather an exploration into what it is that causes us to think we have complete control over our lives.

The famous scripture is from a Biblical book – Ecclesiastes – also said to be one of few Shamanic passages to be found in the Bible. This too is a controversial statement, but on very close reading and contemplation we find the thread of ancient wisdom which runs through a multitude of cultures and traditions today.

These established words “To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” are one of the most deceptively simple pieces of prose, yet so profoundly important that I could not help but be guided to them this week. You see I had a plan on the direction of what I would be sharing, but this week I felt the message that I did not have all the information yet and needed to wait until such time as I did.

From a Buddhist perspective it is referred to as ‘the causes and conditions’ of life. It is similar to baking a cake and not having all the ingredients, we can put our best efforts in, but still if something vital is missing the cake will just not taste or look the same and we could spend all that kitchen time for a runny muddled chocolatey mess in a pan that lands up in the trash after much unnecessary frustration.

Or planting a seed and expecting it to grow and flourish without sunlight or water or the correct soil – if just one of these key components is missing then the seedling won’t make it very far, if at all.

To be honest, it is a beautiful and frustrating process happening simultaneously. Supposedly sitting down to bring thoughts to life, yet when the time comes being absolutely stumped and blank as a button. Starting a journey and realising a piece of the map is missing. Or worse yet – NOT REALISING that something is missing and pushing on.

The struggle, strain, stress and endless effort of trying to force things can be to our detriment, physically, psychologically and emotionally. We start to beat and bully ourselves with all sorts of negative self-talk about how we can’t make things happen, how useless we are, how we are not enough, we compare ourselves to others and basically do a pretty good job of stripping our self-esteem to limp threads.

If we could only stop in those moments, and ask do I have everything I need that will get me where I want to go. Do I have all the resources to make this dream happen? Do I have all the information I need to make an informed decision?

You see King Solomon was onto something huge when he asked for an understanding and discerning mind. That is possibly THE most powerful asset of all – the state of our mind. We can only know through the intellect that if we pick and eat a fruit before it is ripe it can make us very ill. Timing is everything, if it is too ripe then that too can make us ill. Only discernment – and a fair amount of experience – will allow us to know the right time to act.

We need to understand who people are before we go into battle with them, or ask favours of them. We need to discern if some are worth our time and hearts. Mostly we also need to know and understand ourselves if we are to then handle the disappointments and hurts that come with not acting consciously and with all the pieces in place.

I understand that the ‘waiting’ for the right causes and conditions can be a frustrating process in itself. And by waiting I am not suggesting passive, inactive complacency.  Waiting is not bad in and of itself, however it is the attitude we take when waiting that can make all the difference. While waiting we keep our mind active and set on our purpose, goal or result. We do the research, make sure we have all our pieces and ingredients together and ready for the right moment to arrive.

We also need to not be foolish about our dreams and desires. If we are a 5-foot middle aged woman we probably will not be striding down international catwalks in our future. If we are just sitting in our bedrooms everyday dreaming that Mr Right will automatically know our address and show up at our doorstep, then we need to think again.

Some things are just not meant to be and will not happen no matter how much waiting, pursuing or pouting we do. We cannot waste the time we have with pursuit of unrealistic and unattainable desires.

As for my week, the moment I surrendered a little and listened to the message of patience and timing, everything fell into place again – without any waiting at all actually. Perhaps next time I will save myself the irritation and exasperation of struggling to get the result I want when I want it and instead trust that everything will happen in its own time and in its own season.

Check out some of my other articles

What Does it Mean to be Spiritual? – The Uncoiled

A letter to Humanity: Letters To The Unseen. – The Uncoiled

I thought I would share with you the perfect image of how I felt this week – out of control on the sea of life. Now this was certainly not a week where anything out of the ordinary occurred, no big highs or lows – and yet my internal landscape has felt like that ship out on the changing choppy waters of life.

Yes, as you know planetary alignments, transits and placements really do influence and affect our lives. I did a little investigating and so I am not too surprised at why certain things are being magnified for me. However, we are not at the mercy of these influences; we still have some control over how we then go about consciously navigating the stormy days at sea.

Most days I am the lighthouse, sturdy, strong perhaps in need of a little touch up and tweak here and there. And then there are days that I am that turbulent ship, just wanting the reprieve of the shore to rest my battered and beaten mind and body. Holding onto the fading light of that lighthouse as I try and find my way back to myself. The self that is peaceful, strong, enduring, unwavering, wise, kind, loving, compassionate, forgiving, understanding, connected and whole.

Do you remember that self?

We are all born into this world with our true nature intact, whole, complete and here is the secret – our true self remains this way throughout our lives and ever after. You see it is the very nature of things that the moment we are born we are influenced, taught, persuaded and moulded into unique personalities, traits and conditionings. 

This isn’t done with intent or even much consciousness. The family we are born into usually has its own set of conditioning and generational patterning that stems back to ancient times. While inherited traits and characteristics do play a role, so much more gets inherited from our family of origin than we ever know, unless we make a conscious effort to uncover and explore these beliefs and patterns in our life.

I heard of a family who always cut off the tips of the front of the chicken before cooking in the oven, the women in the family had done it this way time and again, each watching the other prepare a chicken for roasting. When the youngest daughter asked her mother why this is done, the mother would answer – “this is just how we prepare a chicken in our family”. She went on to ask her gran and other aunts and family members – eventually the truth came to light.

One day their great grandmother needed to prepare a chicken and when she placed it in her pan the chicken didn’t fit properly so she snipped off the top of it! Now two or three generations later and all in the household are preparing chickens this way – even though the pans are different and probably larger!

LIGHTBULB MOMENT ! Do you see the absurdity of how we walk around doing things just because they have always been done that way, believing things just because we have always believed them or others in our family did?

All of these quirks, behaviours, thoughts, and deeds form layers around our very being and hide the true self so effectively that we seldom stop to consider there is actually more to ourselves than just our neuroses, traumas, hurts and egos.

At first glance we are like the swells in the ocean, affected by the tides, moon, planets and weather. Some days we are calm and welcoming, others we are moody and overbearing. The swells are like our personalities and ego afflictions, while if we go below the surface and allow ourselves to drop a little deeper into the depths of the waters, we will come to a place that reflects the vastness of our true selves.

There are few places that still hold mystery and enticement for us as humans, our planet continues to be conquered, explored and exploited. The deep ocean waters are one such place that still holds a space where no human enters, yet it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hold answers to our deepest, darkest questions, longings and desires.

It stands to reason, if I cannot be the infallible lighthouse – whose time is also transient however many years it stands – then I need to discover where else to turn. The lighthouse will help many who cross its path, but will be abandoned with fading paint, broken windows and darkness without reserves of inner light.   

The ship will have many adventures, many colourful experiences and stories, but has even less grounding, being at the mercy of the external world. The ship will always be searching, seeking, relying on others to fulfil its needs.

What is left but to return to our true natures – the waters, the deep, the all-encompassing hadal zone (the very bottom of the sea floor). Did you know the hadal zone is named after the Greek God of the Underworld – Hades. More people have been to the moon then have dived the hadal zones of the world’s oceans.

I think there could be no more profound reflection of humans than this little overlooked little-known fact. Very few undertake to find and examine their true nature, we would rather go out exploring the world, than what lies within our very depths. Something to consider isn’t it?

This is one aspect The Deeper Plunge Series will explore, the complex tapestry of being human, the layer and illusions we clothe ourselves with and what it will take to get to the bottom of this very holy healing soul and spirit work.

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