About The Essay.

“SHE” is an essay about being in your head. It’s about looking at oneself from an outside perspective. It talks about mental health and how it can sometimes make us feel like we don’t belong in our own bodies. The essay is the 1st essay from a series of essays that talk about similar struggles about dealing with mental health and the world.

It’s not always that I lose myself. Well, the feeling is something that I haven’t had much taste of but somehow it tastes like metal. The cold, hard metal. But who am I to be lost? Who am I to be found? These are the days when I contemplate my existence, well not just mine, but of the entire world. The illusions of reality, the delusions of fiction, and the intoxication of hypocrisy seem to eat me nowadays. The constant confusion that is my mind and my place in it. The fact that I seem to exist makes me wonder how I do it in the first place? Am I the body that walks, talks, eats, prays, or am I the consciousness that thinks, debates, loves, cares, and hates? Who am I to myself?

My identity is not something I wish to dwell upon a lot, because to me, identity is a fatal flaw. Something that is just there because we are here, well the part of us that built society and still contribute to its whims on a regular basis but when I look at her, the person that she is, she seems too good and too lonely to believe in love and society. She is there, a pale creature that she is, with her hooked chin, full cheeks, brown doe eyes, and hair that is long enough to tell she is a ‘she’. I belong to her, but yet, she doesn’t see me inside herself. She is the human that eats, prays, and loves. To the world that she lives in, she is the perfect angel. And just as the hypocritical insect that she is, she despises herself. 

Yet she thinks, she thinks about the life that she lives, she believes in her version of god, and she loves in the ways she wishes to be loved. She dreams big, and yet all she wishes to do is run in the endless mountains or be swept by lifelong ocean waves. She is here and yet she is there. When I look at her, I see a part of myself, a part that displays itself on the window shop to attract the passers-by. A part of her that is visible to the naked eye, for what is naked is yet to be simplified, she is the one that walks while I am the one that thinks. 

There is a certain comfort in life that we all wish to feel, love, and happiness for instance is something that we like to find comfort in. We like to think that love is fluid and happiness is a form of luck that can be found in a lifetime. There is more to her though, not just the one that attracts but she is in pain. Pain deeper than she could physically feel, although I remind her of that pain sometimes, it’s something I feel constantly and yet am only able to project a few times. There is beauty in pain though, it reveals the world as it is meant to be, lifeless and unexpectant. Pain that more spiritual than it is mental or physical. It’s the pain that I feel and yet there is no control over it. Control, another one of those funny words that either give responsibility or buries a man’s soul. And yet, control is something that all of them seek. Control over their lives, their feelings, and their desires.

She desires too, for love so pure that makes her forget of who she is, love that capitulates, yet she hasn’t a clue what love really is. She is burdened by it sadly, constantly in war to find love or happiness for that matter. She has read, she has heard and yet the conclusion she comes to is inconclusive and there she is on the bright gray concrete, lying, lifeless, and still. Her image is that of a person who has given up trying. A creature that lies there almost dead, because sometimes I too am considered to be life. A burden lies above her, the weight of which pins her down and chokes her, the burden of dreams, love, hope, happiness, expectations, and the years that still are ahead of her. A burden that turns into a void which she passes onto me while she continues to live. 

More Essays Like This One:-

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This mother’s day, The Uncoiled is shedding light on how women are affected by depression.

Did you know? Depression is a fairly common condition. More than 264 million people in the world suffer from depression, according to the World Health Organization, and many of those people are parents — moms and dads with rich families. Though the media often portrays those who suffer from depression as loners, the fact is that depression knows no bounds. It is unconstrained and unbounded.

Depression affects women especially mothers in various ways. They miss out on many happy times and unique experiences with their children as a result of their depression.

Depression Affects 1 Out Of Every 10 Women!

Depression affects many women in various forms, ranging from clinical and seasonal depression to postpartum depression and bipolar disorder. In fact, women are more likely than men to be affected by depression. Women are almost twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with depression, according to statistics. The cause of the discrepancy is unknown. Some research claim that hormonal shifts are to blame, while others claim that living conditions and societal stressors are to blame.

The trigger, on the other hand, is unimportant. What matters is how we help, assist, and handle people who suffer from depression.

Certain Types Of Depression Are Unique To Women.

Although depression affects people of all races, sexes, ages, and socioeconomic backgrounds, women are more susceptible to certain forms of depression. For example, premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a serious form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that affects women in the weeks leading up to menstruation.

Depression Looks Different In Women Than It Does In Men.

The signs and symptoms of depression are well-known. Depression, for example, is characterised by feelings of grief, hopelessness, helplessness, or apathy. Agitation and sleep disturbances are also common, as is a loss of interest in daily activities. People who suffer from depression tend to sleep excessively or not at all. However, some depression symptoms are more common in women than in men.

“Women and men feel depression differently,” Dr Richelle Whittaker — an educational psychologist specializing in maternal mental health.

Women often report a lack of enthusiasm, diminished interest in favourite hobbies, changes in sleeping or eating habits, and/or a general feeling of depression, hopelessness, remorse, worthlessness, or helplessness. Concentration problems are also normal, as are suicidal thoughts.

Men, on the other hand, are more likely to show signs of anger or provocation. They’re much more likely to partake in high-risk activities like drinking and driving or increasing their alcohol consumption.

Depression Can Be Treated.

If you’re depressed, keep in mind that you’re not alone. You’re not crazy, and you’re not by yourself. There is reason to be hopeful: depression is treatable. You can and should seek help from a counsellor, psychologist, therapist, trusted physician, community leader, and/or friends. If you think you’re depressed, speak to your doctor or seek support from a psychiatrist or other mental health professional.

How To Help Someone Suffering From Depression?

Although it’s difficult to see someone you care for in pain, there’s a lot you can do to help. Do not hesitate to inquire about your loved one’s feelings on a regular basis.

Listen to them without feeling embarrassed, judged, or stigmatised. Keep the remarks like “but you have so much to be happy about” to yourself.

Don’t attempt to repair them because you won’t be able to. Give empathy and companionship instead.

Make plans to get your significant other out of the house. Take a stroll with them, have lunch with them, organise get-togethers, and so on. Provide transportation to and from counselling. It’s not about what you do; it’s about how persistent and present you are.

Also, inquire as to what they want. They may not have a response — at least not right away — but as someone who has struggled with depression for many years, I can assure you: Just being there helps.

Read more by this author on mental health https://theuncoiled.com/2021/04/18/unexpressed-emotions/

Visit https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/gender-and-women-s-mental-health to know how gender affects women’s mental health.

May in some parts of the world is Mental Health Awareness Month. There could be nothing more detrimental to our health and well being than not being able to seek and find proper care for our mental state of being. Our mind is our constant companion, like a mental neighbourhood, and if it is not functioning at full capacity then we need to do everything in our power to return it to its full health.

We all have at one point or another come across the now well known and loved Don Miguel Ruiz’s vast array of works, but The Four Agreements is what I’d like to come back to today. You see it always comes back down to the basics. This holds true for most things in life. Whether we have mastered a certain skill or whether we once again find ourselves repeating an unhealthy pattern and behaviour in our lives. It is always helpful to go back to the beginning and try again. Yet in today’s world we are far too hasty to get ahead and look clever at any cost, and usually the cost is at someone else’s expense.

One of the key’s to living a peaceful and purposeful life is not to take anything personally. Now don’t let this little key give you the idea that that means not caring about what anyone else says or does. It certainly doesn’t mean that. If anything, it is advising to still hear and listen to what is being said and then using discernment to see if it fits and sits with you. Some of the best advice we are given we are resistant to, so this takes some time and practice to digest and develop.

How many throw-away remarks have we made in our lives that might have hurt or insulted someone without our knowing it?  How many times have we given advice where it was not even asked for? This is a particularly tricky one, as we do not realise the karmic implications this can have. What about when our words and actions just don’t add up. We say we will do something but then leave a friend hanging because we probably weren’t even paying attention to the conversation at the time to realise the importance it had to them.

THE MENTAL NEIGHBOURHOODS WE LIVE IN

So many ways we can affect others and they an affect us in our daily lives, that sometimes we then go the opposite direction and walk on egg shells, too scared to have conversations and withdraw into our very troubled inner worlds. As Anne Lamott, American writer, says ‘My mind is like a bad neighbourhood I try not to go to alone’. And this is where we get to come back to the very basics of mental health – our own minds.

This is the starting point. For somewhere along the way our minds have been so conditioned by our early upbringing, environments, familial belief and cultural systems that we really don’t know what it is like to have a clear mind anymore. Then add to that the traumas, heartaches, hurts and negative experiences we have had along the way and this makes for a very complex and often unsettled, troubled mental territory.

Now we meet with a friend, lover, boss or family member, who has their own conditioned mental neighbourhood, and it’s not so hard to see how quickly conflict and resistance kicks in. We are territorial creatures and anything that then feels threatening to our domain we will protect or attack. Our neural systems and brain function is just built that way.

So in a flash, there we are taking everything personally and feeling insulted, hurt, dejected, rejected, unloved, and not worthy – when in actual fact the other person was just probably doing the same thing, because well their neighbourhood is a certain way, the streets are ordered a certain way, the houses are all painted a certain way – so why aren’t yours?

Interesting stuff right. But what do we do about this?  The answer is we start cleaning up our own neighbourhoods. We look at our mental health, we acknowledge it’s a little messy – or a ton messy and we start clearing it. We go back to the traumas and trials and tribulations of our lives and deal with them, we seek help from professionals, we find the right advice and information we need. We dig deep and we climb high as we search out every false and limiting belief we are stuck with. We take every offer of help we can get, we open the windows and let the demons and doubts get some air.

We breath and cry and feel lost and pity ourselves and rage against others for a while. We do what needs to be done to get ourselves out of the muck and mire of our toxic mindsets. And in this process, we do the holy work of not taking anything personally. Even ourselves.

We set strong but loving boundaries; we also forgive a lot of people. And then we forgive again and again, whether we are able to have a conversation with them, or whether we do it in praying or writing letters which they will never read.

Our minds are our holy ground. They are the foundation of our lives. And if our foundation is faulty then our whole lives will be faulty. If our minds are not guided, nurtured and cared for on a daily basis, then what chance do we stand of making decisions with clarity and living with authentic self -esteem. If we are always needing others to validate and assure us then we are just setting ourselves up for deep hurt and disappointments.

While we are busy sorting, tossing and decluttering our mental neighbourhoods, we can also turn to age old practices like meditation and mantra recitation. The true nature of our minds needs no firework displays to return to its natural calm abiding ways. It just needs the space, time and dedication to allow it to return to health and vitality – with the proper instruction and guidance of course.

Let us be mindful of how we treat others, what we say, what we mean, what we do. Let us be aware of the fact that we do not always know what someone’s state of mind is like, even if they look put together and perfect all the time. Let us acknowledge that we have some broken windows and peeling paint that needs attention. And that we do not need to take things so personally if we have done the work on ourselves and continue to do so every day that we can.

Liberating ourselves from mental disorders and suffering could be the most important cleaning job of all. Not just for ourselves but for all of humanity to finally thrive and live embodied authentic lives. Let’s grow healthy gardens of mental health and thrive.

*Should you suffer from any mental disorder please do see a qualified expert to assess your condition immediately.

To read my previous article go here –

Drop the External Attachments and Look in the Mirror Now – The Uncoiled

To read what mental health is go here –

Mental health – Wikipedia

To listen to Anne Lammot go here –

Anne Lamott | Speaker | TED

The stigma lets people feel somewhat ashamed for things that are not within their control. Worst of all, the stigma also prevents people from getting the help that they need. For a large group of people that already face this burden, the whole stigma is another addition to their pain. The stigma also cut down these past years, but it is still not fast enough.

Many people in the mental health community need to voice the stigma. Each day, in every manner, we have to stand up towards the stigma; if we do not know how we have different ways to respond to how to fight the stigma.

Talk Openly About The Mental Health Condition

The stigma is fought about to fight the mental health issue, like PTSD and anxiety disorders, like on social media. If it helps another person, then it is worth it.

Properly Educate Yourself and Other People Around You

Take every chance to properly educate people to share each personal story and struggle with a mental disorder. It does not matter where you are. If you hear someone saying a rude remark about mental health, use it as a learning opportunity and intervene to see how it will make you feel and how you have to do your part to end the stigma.

Become Conscious of The Language

Fighting stigma will become your job, and the language will matter. It is easy to not use different mental health conditions as different adjectives. Based on feedback from others in the mental health community, many people will have to replace their language if they state that the language is problematic.

Equality Has To Be Encouraged Between Physical and Mental Illness

People say cancer is a physical illness. Mental illness does not differ from another type of physical illness – it is still a type of illness. People don’t make fun of diabetes, so I don’t see why they should disregard PTSD.

Give Others With Mental Illness Compassion

Talk to others that are facing mental illness. Give them compassion and let them know that it is okay, and a lot of homeless people have a mental illness. Give them food or a warm hug to know how they are cared for. Everyone suffers, but we should acknowledge it together, no matter how we are suffering.

Last, we have to practice not stigmatizing people with a mental disorder. We know that they are suffering differently, so we must not label them as useless – depression is just another type of illness.

If you need help finding resources kindly visit https://idontmind.com/

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Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings/emotions of another.

How empaths experience emotions and how mere emotions can help them slip into eternal peace?

“You see, I never wrote it down. I never talked it out”, I’d slid into my sheets, my eternal comfort zone, my bed; where I’d lie mentally paralysed and nobody would ask why.

“I am not angry,” I used to tell myself. I wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable yet I felt like they were too ignorant to realise I’m merely a human being just like them. Maybe they did, or maybe they did not. It didn’t affect me for he blessed me with an understanding heart. And because of that, I’d always come to the conclusion that their things are worse than mine or maybe, maybe God sent me to heal all the broken ones and what could be better than him choosing me for the purpose?

Yet, I had broken down at times. Not because of the overwhelming burden I had on my shoulders or the storm that I kept inside, but because of the lack of compassion, the lack of empathy, and the lack of humanity I witnessed on daily basis. I’d see men telling to man up, to get up and go face the reality and then, I’d see feminists advocating that it is totally okay to cry.

It was not a war with men or women. Or how their biology worked. Or how the world portrayed it. It was my war. A war within myself. I didn’t want to win. I only wanted to know if it had ended. I loved battling the insides and maybe, maybe at that point I was a bit tired and I only wanted to know the results. I hated that I’d get tired at times.

I hated that I wasn’t living up to what God sent me for. If I was sent for them, who did he send for me? I didn’t hate giving, but in moments like those, when I’d think I have almost won the war, I’d go back, exit the battle zone and go looking for myself for I knew I had lost myself somewhere in the war. That’s when they’d get raged. I didn’t mind that. But the labels that came like bullets, the selfish and egocentric, the ungrateful and the unkind, the sleepyhead and the dramatist, the attention seeker and the oh-so-loves-self-pity; would open up my wounds like anything and I’d get back on my feet, run back to the battleground, witness their injuries and tell myself “You have to be strong for them!”.

But did they ever realize I was one of them and that I wasn’t fighting for them rather we were fighting for us? For mankind that had long forgotten God-like virtues. Their silence killed me. Their ignorance ate my insides. I didn’t need their shoulder to lean on. I didn’t need their sympathy. I didn’t need their support for I knew we were all slaves to one Lord. I didn’t bow down to them, I bowed down to their King.

But often at times, when I’d hit rock bottom, I’d ask myself where do all this strength come from? I was a strong believer that unexpressed emotions do not die, they’re buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Yet, I was unable to cry. My chest would feel heavy as I’d put my head to sleep, I would feel tears tying a knot in my throat. I’d feel a storm coming but it never came. I waited, and waited, and waited for it but I always fell asleep without ever experiencing it.

I used to wonder, where do all the emotions go? Do we really explode one day or do we carry them to our graves? Now that I lie under this mud, my body wrapped in white with grace, I realize he never sent someone for me. For he was the one, for he is the one. For he understands and calls upon his beloveds. They come by and build my tomb, talking about how surprising it was for I showed no sign. Oh, in the same times, in the same skin, what do they mean by it? As they sit and let out their cries, I realize these are my tears that they’re crying. Glory to the Lord who didn’t let me break down in front of them. He knew they wouldn’t realize my worth for I don’t bow down to them, I bow down to their King.

Unexpressed Emotions- The tears I had all life kept:

I rest my head for eternal sleep, the lines; noted down with a bruised but not a broken heart, written in a very unthoughtful way, disappear in the cemetery, for they didn’t deserve to know, for her worth was not that low, as they read:

Kept things to myself

For the people around

Needed me for themselves

Buried emotions deep down

And didn’t let the storm out

I told myself every day

Stay strong, bae

For the ignorant never understood

For not everyone was kind

So I went to sleep without crying

Thinking when will I let this out

Waited for someone who understood

Until finally I met my beloved

As I lay deep under the ground

The mud covering my corpse

I realize he was the one,he is the one

As they come by and sit on my tomb

And cry their hearts out

For I have gone

For I never looked like I would be gone

I realize this was it, this is it

These are my tears that they shed

The tears I had all life kept

More by this author at https://theuncoiled.com/author/zainab/
Read on mental health at https://www.un.org/development/desa/disabilities/issues/mental-health-and-development.html

In my part of the world, we often hear people saying therapy and counseling are for the weak ones.  Also, mental health has just been a vague term which people hardly try to understand. Though the educated new generation is more inclined towards mental health and counseling, these are still strongly stigmatized in the uneducated and older age groups. With this, seeking professional help is the same as admitting that you are a psycho crackhead.

From my recent talks with few professional counselors, I realized that; there is a deep-rooted problem with the whole thing. Also, one of them admitted that it still needs 5 to 10 years down the road to fully normalizing mental health and counseling in our society. With this comes a responsibility to us youths to speak out against the social stigma. This article tries to sum up the cause of this issue and the action that we could take towards it.

Why is there still a stigma regarding mental health?

The core reason behind the misconceptions regarding mental health issues in our society turns out to be the lack of education and awareness. It later forms layers that add up to the already bulked-up problem. Mostly the stigma usually comes from the people who have little or no knowledge on this particular matter. Listed below are the three main pillars that have contributed to the stigmatization. Also, all these pillars are interconnected and influence each other.

• Lack of general awareness and education

Despite many awareness campaigns, there still remains a large portion of the population untouched. Especially for the people from rural areas, this remains a new concept. With time people internalize their false beliefs, which plays a major role in the stigmatization.

• Misconceptions leading to negative attitude

The misconception in people results from a lack of awareness, which further leads to a negative attitude towards the issue. This pileup and contribute to the stigmatization.

• Lack of media potrayals on mental health

In this digital age, people easily get influenced by the things on the internet. While in past days a lot of media production, filmmakers, mental health activist, and social media influencers had brought this issue onboard, there still seems lack of engagement on it. Also, to change a whole internalized stigma concept, a single-day act does not seems to be enough. So, it’s clear that we also lack to provide constant support to the media portrayals.

How can we bring the change?

We can take many small and solid steps to bring the change we want to see. For this case, listed below are some of the things that we could do.

• Start the conversation

Many times when these conversations rise, we get a good stare for a moment. The whole concept of mental health has been buried so deep in some part of our society that it still takes many people to dig it back. That’s why we need to do it more often. Be it on social media like Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or in-person and community.

• Recognizing it in a personal level

No matter what change we intend to bring into society, it must first come from within us. For me, recognizing mental health issues as a health problem and not a person as a whole brought some light.  But in society, most people get labeled for their mental health issues. A person with depression is seen as a depressive person rather than a ‘person with depression. Here we are trying to define the person as their illness. But the truth is that we are so much more than our illness: be it physical or mental.

• Increase the level of public awareness

Public awareness is the key to fight the stigma as the lack of knowledge is the root cause. Be it through a social media campaign or a community campaign: this can bring change. It is also where the news and media industry come into play.

We cannot deny the fact that there is an enormous misconception regarding mental health in our society. But, if we unite and take action, we can bring the change we want to see. So let us all take the small steps to normalize mental health.