I met her again
She waited for me
the girl I once was
She was hurting
I see it in her eyes
Oh how long it has
taken me to realize,
to see that
She buried all her feelings
and made herself small
to fit into the corner
others designed for her
and everyone squished her into
How long must she have been sitting there,
paralyzed, swallowing her feelings, words, her spirit,
trying not to be a burden to anyone

I reached out
and gave her my hand
She took it,
surprised to see me,
reaching out for her
and I put her out of the corner
How long must she have waited for this to happen
Still in shock
tears filled her glowing eyes
and she hugged me so tight
something touched my heart and my soul.
“Listen”, I said, “It’s not your fault.
This is all not your fault.
I know it seems like it
but you don’t have to put yourself down for other people.
You don’t have to hold back.
They just can’t take your spirit,
your strength, and your power.
You have a lion inside of you.
You are intense.
Most people just can’t handle intense spirits
and pure souls.
Don’t put yourself down for that.
I know you want to help them and I know
you want to show them you love them at any cost,
but they know, the right ones know and they love you.
I know you want to be worthy of their love,
but are worth unbelievably much yourself,
without doing anything, without trying to be anything,
without trying to sacrificing yourself for others,
without trying to adjust your feelings or behavior
to anything anyone wants.
You
are
enough.
You are a power only few can handle,
but that is never your problem.
I love you.
I love you so much.”

I started crying and waterfalls of tears
were running down my cheeks.
We stayed like this for a few minutes.
Then she got up and said: “I love you too.”
“Look !”, she said.
A butterfly flew by.
“Come”, she took my hand
and we were running
following the butterfly
on a field of flowers
running free.

Would you be there for yourself?
Will you now?

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“I mean it,” they say.

It ties a knot in my throat. I feel like I’m not there anymore. I’m back to where I belong. I can’t speak. A single word uttered will leave me battered.

My words betray me as I struggle to form sentences. I sit there, mute, with a storm raging inside.

“I appreciate that,” I say.

I come back, and I don’t look back. I’m content, yet lost.

I close my eyes and hit the bed. The numbness gets carried away with the eyes bawling out.

The storm doesn’t rage anymore. I let it all out.

But the knot is still there. It doesn’t drown.

“When will I find mine?” I ask.

“When will I find mine?” I wonder.