Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings/emotions of another.

How empaths experience emotions and how mere emotions can help them slip into eternal peace?

“You see, I never wrote it down. I never talked it out”, I’d slid into my sheets, my eternal comfort zone, my bed; where I’d lie mentally paralysed and nobody would ask why.

“I am not angry,” I used to tell myself. I wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable yet I felt like they were too ignorant to realise I’m merely a human being just like them. Maybe they did, or maybe they did not. It didn’t affect me for he blessed me with an understanding heart. And because of that, I’d always come to the conclusion that their things are worse than mine or maybe, maybe God sent me to heal all the broken ones and what could be better than him choosing me for the purpose?

Yet, I had broken down at times. Not because of the overwhelming burden I had on my shoulders or the storm that I kept inside, but because of the lack of compassion, the lack of empathy, and the lack of humanity I witnessed on daily basis. I’d see men telling to man up, to get up and go face the reality and then, I’d see feminists advocating that it is totally okay to cry.

It was not a war with men or women. Or how their biology worked. Or how the world portrayed it. It was my war. A war within myself. I didn’t want to win. I only wanted to know if it had ended. I loved battling the insides and maybe, maybe at that point I was a bit tired and I only wanted to know the results. I hated that I’d get tired at times.

I hated that I wasn’t living up to what God sent me for. If I was sent for them, who did he send for me? I didn’t hate giving, but in moments like those, when I’d think I have almost won the war, I’d go back, exit the battle zone and go looking for myself for I knew I had lost myself somewhere in the war. That’s when they’d get raged. I didn’t mind that. But the labels that came like bullets, the selfish and egocentric, the ungrateful and the unkind, the sleepyhead and the dramatist, the attention seeker and the oh-so-loves-self-pity; would open up my wounds like anything and I’d get back on my feet, run back to the battleground, witness their injuries and tell myself “You have to be strong for them!”.

But did they ever realize I was one of them and that I wasn’t fighting for them rather we were fighting for us? For mankind that had long forgotten God-like virtues. Their silence killed me. Their ignorance ate my insides. I didn’t need their shoulder to lean on. I didn’t need their sympathy. I didn’t need their support for I knew we were all slaves to one Lord. I didn’t bow down to them, I bowed down to their King.

But often at times, when I’d hit rock bottom, I’d ask myself where do all this strength come from? I was a strong believer that unexpressed emotions do not die, they’re buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Yet, I was unable to cry. My chest would feel heavy as I’d put my head to sleep, I would feel tears tying a knot in my throat. I’d feel a storm coming but it never came. I waited, and waited, and waited for it but I always fell asleep without ever experiencing it.

I used to wonder, where do all the emotions go? Do we really explode one day or do we carry them to our graves? Now that I lie under this mud, my body wrapped in white with grace, I realize he never sent someone for me. For he was the one, for he is the one. For he understands and calls upon his beloveds. They come by and build my tomb, talking about how surprising it was for I showed no sign. Oh, in the same times, in the same skin, what do they mean by it? As they sit and let out their cries, I realize these are my tears that they’re crying. Glory to the Lord who didn’t let me break down in front of them. He knew they wouldn’t realize my worth for I don’t bow down to them, I bow down to their King.

Unexpressed Emotions- The tears I had all life kept:

I rest my head for eternal sleep, the lines; noted down with a bruised but not a broken heart, written in a very unthoughtful way, disappear in the cemetery, for they didn’t deserve to know, for her worth was not that low, as they read:

Kept things to myself

For the people around

Needed me for themselves

Buried emotions deep down

And didn’t let the storm out

I told myself every day

Stay strong, bae

For the ignorant never understood

For not everyone was kind

So I went to sleep without crying

Thinking when will I let this out

Waited for someone who understood

Until finally I met my beloved

As I lay deep under the ground

The mud covering my corpse

I realize he was the one,he is the one

As they come by and sit on my tomb

And cry their hearts out

For I have gone

For I never looked like I would be gone

I realize this was it, this is it

These are my tears that they shed

The tears I had all life kept

More by this author at https://theuncoiled.com/author/zainab/
Read on mental health at https://www.un.org/development/desa/disabilities/issues/mental-health-and-development.html

In my part of the world, we often hear people saying therapy and counseling are for the weak ones.  Also, mental health has just been a vague term which people hardly try to understand. Though the educated new generation is more inclined towards mental health and counseling, these are still strongly stigmatized in the uneducated and older age groups. With this, seeking professional help is the same as admitting that you are a psycho crackhead.

From my recent talks with few professional counselors, I realized that; there is a deep-rooted problem with the whole thing. Also, one of them admitted that it still needs 5 to 10 years down the road to fully normalizing mental health and counseling in our society. With this comes a responsibility to us youths to speak out against the social stigma. This article tries to sum up the cause of this issue and the action that we could take towards it.

Why is there still a stigma regarding mental health?

The core reason behind the misconceptions regarding mental health issues in our society turns out to be the lack of education and awareness. It later forms layers that add up to the already bulked-up problem. Mostly the stigma usually comes from the people who have little or no knowledge on this particular matter. Listed below are the three main pillars that have contributed to the stigmatization. Also, all these pillars are interconnected and influence each other.

• Lack of general awareness and education

Despite many awareness campaigns, there still remains a large portion of the population untouched. Especially for the people from rural areas, this remains a new concept. With time people internalize their false beliefs, which plays a major role in the stigmatization.

• Misconceptions leading to negative attitude

The misconception in people results from a lack of awareness, which further leads to a negative attitude towards the issue. This pileup and contribute to the stigmatization.

• Lack of media potrayals on mental health

In this digital age, people easily get influenced by the things on the internet. While in past days a lot of media production, filmmakers, mental health activist, and social media influencers had brought this issue onboard, there still seems lack of engagement on it. Also, to change a whole internalized stigma concept, a single-day act does not seems to be enough. So, it’s clear that we also lack to provide constant support to the media portrayals.

How can we bring the change?

We can take many small and solid steps to bring the change we want to see. For this case, listed below are some of the things that we could do.

• Start the conversation

Many times when these conversations rise, we get a good stare for a moment. The whole concept of mental health has been buried so deep in some part of our society that it still takes many people to dig it back. That’s why we need to do it more often. Be it on social media like Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or in-person and community.

• Recognizing it in a personal level

No matter what change we intend to bring into society, it must first come from within us. For me, recognizing mental health issues as a health problem and not a person as a whole brought some light.  But in society, most people get labeled for their mental health issues. A person with depression is seen as a depressive person rather than a ‘person with depression. Here we are trying to define the person as their illness. But the truth is that we are so much more than our illness: be it physical or mental.

• Increase the level of public awareness

Public awareness is the key to fight the stigma as the lack of knowledge is the root cause. Be it through a social media campaign or a community campaign: this can bring change. It is also where the news and media industry come into play.

We cannot deny the fact that there is an enormous misconception regarding mental health in our society. But, if we unite and take action, we can bring the change we want to see. So let us all take the small steps to normalize mental health.